I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
