i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
