Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
