cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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