i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
