I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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