He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
