Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
