my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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