I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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