The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We need to get me chipped asap
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
