He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
