I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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