My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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