Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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