My balls are so social today.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
