You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
