WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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