I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
