I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
