its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
