I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize