just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
