Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
