I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
