My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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