If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize