I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
