Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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