Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
