I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
