I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
