like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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