Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
