i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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