Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
