He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
