just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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