rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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