so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
