What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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