Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
