Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
