somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
