I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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