you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize