my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
