It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
