I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
