He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
