Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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