Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This house was built for laser tag.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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