I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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