He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
