Where did you get a picture of my penis
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize