I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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