Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize