just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
