If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
