i permit you to call me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
