I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
