He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
