I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A bitchslap is in order.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
