By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
