I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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