When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
